Motherhood

Motherhood I have always dreamed of since childhood

Motherhood was once what I thought might never happen

Motherhood I have now entered and yet

Motherhood is not what I envisioned

Motherhood isn’t the one of my dreams

Motherhood came crashing down on me unexpectedly

Motherhood that wasn’t ready for a preemie

Motherhood that has been dotted with anxiety

Motherhood during a pandemic

Motherhood with limited interaction

Motherhood felt with moments of isolation

Motherhood filled with thoughts of ‘Am I bad mother?’

Motherhood where on tired days the shitty displays of anger and snappyness I inherited show their faces

Motherhood has been an honor

Motherhood is a blessing

Motherhood is a part of life I had been longing for and now enjoy

Motherhood is like a mountain I have never climbed

Motherhood with silent battles inside my mind

Motherhood of trying to find myself

Motherhood that is shaped by my beliefs to do better for my daughter

Motherhood that has left me wondering why did this too go so unplanned and unexpected

Motherhood that is thankful we are both healthy

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to mourn a pregnancy not carried to term

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to mourn the birth experience I never got

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to feel sad

Motherhood that sings lullabies to my child while I cry

Motherhood that needs the baby cuddles for myself as much as her

Motherhood that came with little support and love nearby

Motherhood that was navigated alone

Motherhood that longs for extended family and friends from time to time

Motherhood that finds joy in each new skill obtained by my daughter

Motherhood that finds my daughter’s smile infectiously joyous

Motherhood that enjoys sleeping side by side at night

Motherhood is another part of life that didn’t start smoothly like others, and yet this

Motherhood is my own compass to navigate