Holiday Alone Advice

Holiday Alone Advice

The holidays are fast approaching and how I’ll be spending them came to mind. Although not much will change for me with how I keep in touch with family, I realize most of my friends and family back home might be experiencing their first holiday alone. Perhaps I can offer some insight into how to celebrate the holidays apart from loved ones.

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Motherhood

Motherhood

Motherhood I have always dreamed of since childhood

Motherhood was once what I thought might never happen

Motherhood I have now entered and yet

Motherhood is not what I envisioned

Motherhood isn’t the one of my dreams

Motherhood came crashing down on me unexpectedly

Motherhood that wasn’t ready for a preemie

Motherhood that has been dotted with anxiety

Motherhood during a pandemic

Motherhood with limited interaction

Motherhood felt with moments of isolation

Motherhood filled with thoughts of ‘Am I bad mother?’

Motherhood where on tired days the shitty displays of anger and snappyness I inherited show their faces

Motherhood has been an honor

Motherhood is a blessing

Motherhood is a part of life I had been longing for and now enjoy

Motherhood is like a mountain I have never climbed

Motherhood with silent battles inside my mind

Motherhood of trying to find myself

Motherhood that is shaped by my beliefs to do better for my daughter

Motherhood that has left me wondering why did this too go so unplanned and unexpected

Motherhood that is thankful we are both healthy

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to mourn a pregnancy not carried to term

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to mourn the birth experience I never got

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to feel sad

Motherhood that sings lullabies to my child while I cry

Motherhood that needs the baby cuddles for myself as much as her

Motherhood that came with little support and love nearby

Motherhood that was navigated alone

Motherhood that longs for extended family and friends from time to time

Motherhood that finds joy in each new skill obtained by my daughter

Motherhood that finds my daughter’s smile infectiously joyous

Motherhood that enjoys sleeping side by side at night

Motherhood is another part of life that didn’t start smoothly like others, and yet this

Motherhood is my own compass to navigate

Coronavirus Lockdown

Coronavirus Lockdown

Our blue skies during lockdown.

I should have actually written this during the lockdown, but was curious about what was waiting for us upon our return to Chengdu. My family and my friend who came with us for the Lunar New Year all got stuck in the village when the lockdown came into effect. For two weeks, no one was allowed to go anywhere including leaving the village.

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Embodying Health

Embodying Health

For over the past month, I’ve been at battle with myself and my habits in my head. Luckily, I learned my sister was about to embark on a new health journey and I decided to join in. My current effort in the first week, I failed on five and a half days. My first two and a half days I did awesome , minus not exercising. Here I am sitting down after having eaten three donuts and two pastries for lunch washed down with an iced latte. A blatant failure.

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Making Progress

Making Progress

Lately, I’ve had a demon that is eating me from the inside out. That negative voice that just pulls us apart piece by piece. I originally thought that I would be able to focus on some things I wanted to work on for myself, like financial goals, health goals and exercise goals once my daughter was about five or six months old.

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A New Star

A New Star

I’ve chosen to think that a new star has graced the sky tonight. I’m not sure I will be able to see it here in the city, but the thought should offer some solace. A candle has finally burnt out and its scent still lingers. There are a thousand metaphors I could create and yet they all mean the same in the end: today we said goodbye.

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It Takes a Village

It Takes a Village

“It takes a village to raise a kid,” so often we hear this echoed, and yet our society no longer reflects this. Back home most people live as a nuclear family and their extended family may or may not live closeby. Even if they do, one shouldn’t expect them to help with raising a child. This is why so many children are in daycare when they are only a few months old or couples choose to have one parent stay home as it is more cost effective.