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A Part of Me Apart From You

A Part of Me Apart From You

Before dawn lit the sky

We had to part amid

Tears and screams of ‘Ama’

Penetrating the cold air

I passed you to your grandmother

Whispering, “I love you” and giving a quick kiss

Swiftly the door was shut

The two of us cried for each other

Your arms reaching for me

While mine weighed heavily at my side

Slowly the window was rolled up to drown out your cries

This mother of yours never stopped looking into your eyes

Until the car drove off

Tears rolling down her cheeks

And cries escaping her lips

An emptiness that can’t be described on the car ride home

The babbles and laughter have all gone

And an eery quiet has overtaken our home

Today will be hard as this heart aches

Today Tomorrow and the days after that

My heart will long to embrace

And kiss your tiny face

This first separation although brief is

Only the beginning of the ones to come

My beloved child, we are apart yet

I am a part of you

You a part of I

No matter where we are

We are under the same sky

Motherhood

Motherhood

Motherhood I have always dreamed of since childhood

Motherhood was once what I thought might never happen

Motherhood I have now entered and yet

Motherhood is not what I envisioned

Motherhood isn’t the one of my dreams

Motherhood came crashing down on me unexpectedly

Motherhood that wasn’t ready for a preemie

Motherhood that has been dotted with anxiety

Motherhood during a pandemic

Motherhood with limited interaction

Motherhood felt with moments of isolation

Motherhood filled with thoughts of ‘Am I bad mother?’

Motherhood where on tired days the shitty displays of anger and snappyness I inherited show their faces

Motherhood has been an honor

Motherhood is a blessing

Motherhood is a part of life I had been longing for and now enjoy

Motherhood is like a mountain I have never climbed

Motherhood with silent battles inside my mind

Motherhood of trying to find myself

Motherhood that is shaped by my beliefs to do better for my daughter

Motherhood that has left me wondering why did this too go so unplanned and unexpected

Motherhood that is thankful we are both healthy

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to mourn a pregnancy not carried to term

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to mourn the birth experience I never got

Motherhood that tells me it’s okay to feel sad

Motherhood that sings lullabies to my child while I cry

Motherhood that needs the baby cuddles for myself as much as her

Motherhood that came with little support and love nearby

Motherhood that was navigated alone

Motherhood that longs for extended family and friends from time to time

Motherhood that finds joy in each new skill obtained by my daughter

Motherhood that finds my daughter’s smile infectiously joyous

Motherhood that enjoys sleeping side by side at night

Motherhood is another part of life that didn’t start smoothly like others, and yet this

Motherhood is my own compass to navigate

The Beauty of Nature Dwells Within You ཁྱོད་ལ་ལྷན་སྐྱེས་སུ་མངའ་བའི་རང་བྱུང་གི་མཛེས་པ།

The Beauty of Nature Dwells Within You ཁྱོད་ལ་ལྷན་སྐྱེས་སུ་མངའ་བའི་རང་བྱུང་གི་མཛེས་པ།

Photo courtesty of Dondrup’s friend who was passing through this summer.

Back in August, I was sitting in a white tent on the Dzorge Grasslands where Dondrup’s parents camp for the summer and I began writing a poem in English for our future child. At the time, I only had the first two verses written and couldn’t figure out what I wanted to write after that. Should I make it longer? All I knew was that once it was completed I wanted to try and write it in Tibetan as well.

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