Mocha Diaries : Refuge Vows

I can’t remember if I was 9 or 10 years old, but I was baptized Catholic around the same time I stopped believing in God. Ever since I can remember I have never liked churches nor stepping inside them. I’ve always found the white walls, brown pews, and high ceilings cold and uninviting. While the stained glass windows were pretty to look at I just never felt like it was for me, and for most of my life I was an agnostic. Sometimes people would say, “oh, you’re an atheist.” And I would reply, “No, I’m agnostic. I believe there is something out there, just not God.” It gets kind of tiring after a while, but I think it was a good place to be for a long time.

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My Life is Apparently Crazy

The other day someone messaged me asking if I was enjoying my ‘crazy life’. I replied I was, but something about the wording has stuck with me for the last week. Why is my life crazy?

Would it be crazy if I moved to a big city in the USA? Would it be crazy if I moved across the United States? Would it be crazy if I moved to another English-speaking country? Is it only crazy, because I am living in a foreign country that doesn’t speak English?

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Re-visiting Resolutions

Every year I set resolutions for myself and in many ways they end up not being completed, so the resolution rolls onto the next year. Forever snowballing forward into the future years. In the past this really bothered me and made me realize maybe I was not good at completing  resolutions. What I have learned instead is that there is no issue with my resolutions, rather that I may be a bit too ambitious. Read More

Mocha Diaries: Focusing on My Health

Trying to find myself has meant a lot of soul-searching and exploring my thoughts and emotions. While I have been working on the mental side, my physical side was neglected. Our bodies are our temple and if they don’t function well neither do we. It has taken me a long time to realize I need to start prioritizing my health. I am young and in many ways, from an American perspective, I am healthy. Read More

32 Pieces of Advice

As I’ve entered my thirties I thought it would be a good idea to write a list prior to each birthday.

30 was 30 Grateful Thoughts

31 was my Shit List of 31 things to do as well as 30 facts about me. Which I accomplished more than half of them so I’m proud of that.

This year I’m turning 32 so I thought it would be fitting to have 32 Pieces of Advice. Read More

Finding Mocha: 5 Years Ago

All my life I’ve heard about the 5 year plan. It helps to keep you focused on your goals and to work towards what you want in life. I’ve never had a 5 year plan, and I probably never will. Although in retrospect I have a lot to say about 5 year increments. I looked at the calendar the other day and realized it has been 5 years since my life change was finalized. Looking back the week leading up to that finalization was one of the longest weeks of my life and all I wanted was for everything to end so I could start over. Read More

Mocha Diaries: Mourning Changing Friendships

I have been mulling over this topic by myself for the past few months. For a long time the thought had always existed, but I never really probed into it more, because I was in a place where I could only focus on getting by day-to-day. Since I have been home for a while now, I’ve been lucky enough to have the space to mull over my thoughts without having too much background noise. This is the one place where I occasionally see friends, otherwise I am always by myself.  Read More

Mocha Diaries: My Friend, Anxiety

For a long time, I thought I was a person who ebbed in and out of minor low-lying depression. I never imagined I actually had anxiety problems as well. I occasionally have bouts of anxiety, which are normally triggered by something small. Normally it isn’t the end of the world, but I’ve realized if I have felt stressed about something for a few days to weeks then at some point anxiety is bound to hit me until I can calm down. Sometimes it takes a few hours or a good nights rest, if I’m able to sleep.

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Mocha Diaries: FOMO

Ever since I can remember I have suffered from FOMO ( Fear of missing out). I never really knew why it was so important to me to be like everyone else and have a similar existence, but I feared if I didn’t then I would regret it. I remember in high school it was particularly strong. I had a fear of missing out on homecoming and prom, even though I had no interest in either and I actually wish I hadn’t worried so much about being in attendance. That fear made me dismiss my thought of becoming an exchange student my junior year in high school, because I’d be missing out on the typical American high school life experiences.

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