Finding Mocha Mocha Diaries

Mocha Diaries : In Between Land

In Between Land.  That’s where I am.  Where is in between land? It’s anywhere between where you were and where you will go! It can even be a state of mind. In between land is kind of a rough place to be. I’ve been back home for 5 weeks now and I should be adjusted to life, but I’m not. I have no semblance of a life I was used to as I reverted back to how my life was 5 years ago minus a job.

Currently, I’m unemployed and its hard to find employment when you won’t be able to work for a good three to four weeks thanks to plans you are hatching. (I will divulge these at a later date to the world.) Which means my money is dwindling and I’m doing nothing with my life. It’s like a stagnant swamp not much going on, but the stench wafting in the breeze.

My life is at a stagnant point, the in between land, the great unknown, and it sucks. At times its pretty nice as I have no set schedule, and I can plan things on a whim. At the same time I’m basically in a funk right now with no direction. I’ve grown exponentially this year, but in one regard I still come up short. Comparison is the thief of joy. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve moved home, or the fact that even with all my friends back in Korea, my life trajectory is just different. odd.unique. slower.on the fringe. Whatever you want to call it, its how I feel lately.

I’m somewhat at piece with my age though there are days where I feel it hard and I have a meltdown. I just tell myself its okay, pick yourself back up, process your emotions and move on. I have my own life to live and it may be on the fringe of normal compared to others, it may move 100x slower than everyone else’s, but it is my own life.  The speed at which things in my life move is like a sloth trying to get down from a tree, it may just never happen.

On the other side my life is a wide open book, and as long as I can save some money up, I can get back on the road again. I know eventually I’ll be moving in the right direction for me no matter how much slower it is than others. I try not to compare or feel twinges of sadness and jealousy, but if I do I just tell myself one day those things will come into my life. Perhaps, they will be better than what others have experienced, the world may never know…and if those things never happen, I’ll have to learn to cross that bridge someday.

Someday in between land will become a direction in which I can chase my dreams and see them being built before my eyes. It won’t end with me sitting here in a funk lost in myself and unsure of what to do or where to start. Sometimes the unknown is a blessing and a curse that’s really just a dark tunnel of silence with no telling of how far you have come or how far you have to go.

I’m tired of in between land, but I currently lack the energy to really be inspired to move forward at the same time. Sometimes a change of scenery makes us feel better and inspires us to move forward in life. I’m hoping that sometime in the next few weeks, I’ll find a way to make some much-needed cash, find some inspiration and pick a direction in life, whether that be staying or leaving.

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