Letting my thoughts out

Letting my thoughts out

There is an image that sometimes gets pinned or passed around that talks about if what we spoke was put on our skin would we change how we speak? Or if what you said was written on your skin would you still be beautiful?

wordsonskin

 

I take this a different way. If instead of what we speak was written on our skin, but what we thought it would be more powerful. It would be a message that we are sending to the world about ourselves. I’m not perfect. You are not perfect. Nobody is perfect. Lately, I have been feeling that I need to escape and go somewhere by myself. I just want to be alone and unwind. This is for my own mentally sanity than anything else. I feel like I am very disconnected with myself and that I need to find myself again. Where did I go? I need to find me again. It’s not always easy and not everyone wants to admit what their thoughts are. Most of the time I don’t like to talk about what I am feeling. Why? Because I feel ashamed of how I feel about myself. I feel that if I talk negatively I will be judged for thinking that way. But if it is how I feel then don’t judge me, but listen. I haven’t found what works for me to heal, but I am getting there. Writing is definitely an outlet I use to calm and sort my thoughts. Sometimes a nap is the best thing in the world to forget everything. However, today I discovered drawing. I forgot that I used to love to draw and doodle on everything. It is funny how life gets in the way and when in a cycle of depression we forget the things we love.

 

So what am I doing? Am I any more positive about my life? Some days I am. Yet, most of the time I just kind of let the days pass me by.  I’m learning about myself and I’m finding that maybe one of the reasons I can’t seem to tackle any goals I have for myself is because of how I think. How I view myself as a person. That is a very important lesson I am learning and I am coming to realize I may not get anywhere with anything until I fix how I think. That is a very frustrating thought, but it makes the most sense. If I don’t think I can, then I won’t. I don’t need people to say accept yourself or love yourself. It doesn’t help me. I know that I am a good person and I have a lot to offer to the world, but if your head can’t accept those thoughts most days then the reality becomes the opposite. It’s why most of the goals I have made for myself have never  been accomplished. I am a self-sabotaging person.  It’s not even someone else who gets in the way! I get in the way of myself! Unbelievable.

 

Drawing is therapeutic. Writing is therapeutic. Sitting on the beach listening to the sounds of the ocean is therapeutic. I might not be where I want to be and I might not say things people want to hear. This is me. This is who I am and how I think. This drawing and writing made me feel lighter. Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders because I could admit that this is me. This is how I think!! If the words I thought were written on my skin this is what you would see! I don’t want to be ashamed of how I think or feel. I want to free myself from that and if it proves to put others in an uncomfortable spot then so be it. This journey is mine and mine alone. I’m learning to love myself one step at a time and if it means showing the world my inner demons and thoughts, then so be it.

I dare you to let your thoughts  be written out for others to see. Face that fear of others knowing the truth of what you think.

 

4 thoughts on “Letting my thoughts out

  1. Nina,
    I am so sorry I have been absent from you for the last month, but I have been a bit busy, with selling my home, being in the hospital twice (each time for 8 days), and moving to my new home, …that really isn’t why, the thruth of the matter is , my pc has been down since the first part of July..some genius hit the green box, and put my pc and alarm out.(boy was I pissed !).when they finally fixed the box, hell..I would have only had to have it all redone over again today! Yes! I moved yesterday, and I am up to my ass in boxes, but believe you me, Nina, I even promised your mom, I would take it slow and take it as easy as I can(which I do)..I was happy as a clam when they hooked me up today, so before I jumped in the shower, I wanted to write to a few close friends and relatives, and assure them I’m well..
    Now, let me tell you a little story..I am and have been into positive energy for about 2 months now..I have alimimated all the “frogs” in my life..I just opened the window and just let them go…frogs you say? Well, frogs are cute and come in all sizes and colors, BUT…they are poisonous !I don’t want any poisonous people in or around my life. I don’t want any negatively, poison, or anyone or thing that is not positive in my life anymore..I meditate everyday, and just being as positive as I can be.Plus I am into all natural vitamins.And as much all natual food as I can get..no can goods at all… I don’t take any pills, (chemo, or anything that I do not believe in going in my body….When I was in the hospital, they gave me good news, the tumor had shrunk more then half the size..YIPPIE!!!!..Now, as far as you, my dear..there is no doubt, you will find yourself again..sometimes we all get lost !! It’s being a very strong person( whitch you are) to admit that,” ,Self…it’s time you found your way back home, and what ever or where ever you’ve been, let’s not vacation there again, ok? ” You’re going to be just fine..Just think Nina…All the wonderful things that you will be doing when you get back home..!! I wish I were able to be there, but I really can’t justify it..I got a new house and I just got a new Kia Soul ..But, if you look hard enough to the butterfly or cardinal you my see..it’ll be me sending all kinds of love and hugs and especially “good karma” to you and Mom and Bruce and all your siblings. Just look hard enough, and , I promise you, You will see me…
    Well, my dear, I have to fly for now, as I want to hit the shower, and hit the bed.,So, until the next time, stay well, take care and always remember you may be oceans away, but NEVER in many of our hearts and minds, you are always just a smile away….We love you..
    Love to you on your sude of the wirld , from me on my side ..
    love, Aunt Millie

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