Mocha Diaries: Why Don't I Put Myself First?

My hair is always a hot mess

I always ask myself this question: Why don’t I put myself first? I hear from others all the time to learn to put myself first. That is always easier said than done and there is always a reason as to why I haven’t done it yet. One problem I have realized from having low self-esteem is that when you don’t value yourself you try to find redemption from others. I need a way to redeem my self-worth and so if I do everything I can for others, maybe I can become a better person. I know for a  fact that doing things for others rarely helps me unless its something I truly want to do.  Read More

Mocha Diaries: Why do I give up easily?


Ever met a person that persistently can’t make ends meet? Or they just get so close and say, “Nope! I don’t think I can do this!”  It’s funny a lot of people give me praise for learning languages, or traveling, etc, but most people don’t realize that I don’t consider myself successful in them.

Wait, hold up. Are you trying to beat yourself up, Nina? Are you talking down to yourself? Well to some it may seem like I’m talking myself down, but in reality I’m just trying to come to grips with why in my eyes I give up easily.

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Mocha Diaries: Why do I self-sabotage? : Binge-eating

Self-sabotage works in many ways and takes many forms. I found out that by digging deeper laziness was a prime player in my self-sabotaging. But now it is time to address its partner in crime: binge-eating.

Binge eating not only has the connotation of being an eating disorder, but it also is one of my only mechanisms for coping with emotions.  Read More

Mocha Diaries: Why do I self-sabotage? : Laziness

Welcome to the Mocha Diaries! Mocha has been MIA for a while and it was high time she was found.

{ After  a recent conversation with a good friend back home that persuaded me to dig deeper as to why things bother me and find those answers. She said the better you understand yourself the easier it will be to love yourself and be your best friend. So with a homework assignment on hand I’ve decided to transcribe what I have found here. Somewhere along the way Mocha will be found and at the end of it all there will be inner peace for me.}

“Why do I self-sabotage?

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An introvert finding herself

Enjoying the sea breeze at Anmok Beach in Gangneung.

The above is kind of self explanatory,or is it? Back at the end of October last year I realized I was heading into a big dark cave I have seen many times before. It wasn’t my first time in that cave nor was it going to be my last day dragged back down into its depths.  I decided to talk to a few friends about how I was feeling and even they noticed how much of a change had overcome me. A few close friends suggested that just maybe, I should reach out for help.

I’ve never been one to actually ask for help. It makes me feel inadequate and helpless. I’d rather trudge through murky water cursing than admit, I need help. Well, I scoured the internet and found a place where I can go spread my fantastical miser-like thinking. Or as my friend, Kerri lovingly puts it, ‘the brain doctor.’ Read More

Thirty Thankful Thoughts

There is not much time until my 30th birthday. Granted I’m already 31 years old in Korea, but that’s a story for another day.  Lately, I have been stressing myself to the point of tears thinking about turning thirty. It is just a number. Even though I know that, I can’t seem to get it out of my head that I’ve somehow failed at life. I haven’t reached my expectations of myself or of what I think society thinks I should be doing. So I wanted to let people know that it’s okay not to be okay. Read More


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