Browsed by
Tag: The Blooming Mud Flower

37 Aspirations for Myself

37 Aspirations for Myself

Comments 0 Comment
  1. Spend quality time with my daughter, Soby
  2. Communicate better with my husband in Tibetan
  3. Study Tibetan seriously so that I can recognize my own improvement
  4. Drink less coffee – perhaps I will sleep better
  5. Eat less crap – but still, enjoy it in celebration
  6. Exercise five times a week
  7. Reach a healthy weight and maintain it
  8. Become stronger mentally and physically
  9. Sit and meditate daily
  10. Try aphantasia imagery exercises
  11. Blog more often
  12. Read more books
  13. Edit my storybooks
  14. Publish a book
  15. Work on my bilingual education ideas
  16. Build a savings or emergency fund
  17. Build a bilingual home library
  18. Organize my phone pictures
  19. Plan a trip
  20. Sew a chuba
  21. Sew a blanket
  22. Make family Christmas stockings
  23. Draw for my own enjoyment
  24. Create an empowering yet relaxing morning routine
  25. Write in Tibetan more
  26. Take a family pilgrimage trip
  27. Call my sisters more
  28. Call my parents more
  29. Check-in on my friends
  30. Run 6 km
  31. Go up a few flights of stairs without being out of breath
  32. Donate unneeded clothing/shoes
  33. Create a recipe book
  34. Study Korean so I don’t forget it
  35. Restudy Japanese to bond with my niece who is interested in the language
  36. Learn a little Mandarin Chinese
  37. Show my daughter the beauty of the world
October 2022 Update

October 2022 Update

Comments 1 comment

I haven’t written on this blog in 7 months, and I am not surprised. I have thought about it often and realized I have left the blog unloved, perhaps looking back I can realize my lack of writing is also tied to how I am doing on some inner level along with the fact my daughter and I are still apart. I haven’t written a post about my feelings on it, and yet I think I will at some point. These past 9 months have been hard on me between work and my personal life and it has reflected in my mental and physical health.

…

Read More Read More

A Part of Me Apart From You

A Part of Me Apart From You

Comments 1 comment

Before dawn lit the sky

We had to part amid

Tears and screams of ‘Ama’

Penetrating the cold air

I passed you to your grandmother

Whispering, “I love you” and giving a quick kiss

Swiftly the door was shut

The two of us cried for each other

Your arms reaching for me

While mine weighed heavily at my side

Slowly the window was rolled up to drown out your cries

This mother of yours never stopped looking into your eyes

Until the car drove off

Tears rolling down her cheeks

And cries escaping her lips

An emptiness that can’t be described on the car ride home

The babbles and laughter have all gone

And an eery quiet has overtaken our home

Today will be hard as this heart aches

Today Tomorrow and the days after that

My heart will long to embrace

And kiss your tiny face

This first separation although brief is

Only the beginning of the ones to come

My beloved child, we are apart yet

I am a part of you

You a part of I

No matter where we are

We are under the same sky

A Lack of Interests

A Lack of Interests

Comments 3 comments

My poor blog has had little love over the last few months, but it is not the only thing that I have paid less attention to. Since becoming a mom, some of the things I like to do have fallen to the side as I tend to end up scrolling social media instead when I am ‘resting.’ But is that even resting? I find it gives me more anxiety about life than it should. Sadly, social media addiction is real and many of us deal with it every day. The neverending refresh button of highlight reels we can compare ourselves to on the daily. I am sure I am far from the only one.

I can not blame motherhood for my lack of pursuing hobbies I loved when I was younger, or did not love and would like to pursue as an adult. That comes down to me, my ambition, dedication and discipline. Which all sound like terrible words when it comes to doing hobbies you enjoy or would like to enjoy. Perhaps utilizing phrases like ‘engages the soul’ or ‘feeds the mind’ ‘ nourishes our interests’ or whatever new age crap sounds good is better. The truth of the matter is it comes down to myself why old hobbies and new hobbies are currently MIA. It comes from internalizing shit people told me as a kid and young adult, that became the background soundtrack of my mind. Why hum a tune when it can just be on replay mode? Stopping the soundtrack is hard. I have been working on it for a few years, but it is still hard.

…

Read More Read More

I am Unbalanced

I am Unbalanced

Comments 1 comment

I’m unbalanced at best, a procrastinating bum at worst, but really my life is just not where I want it to be. This nagging feeling of being off my game (was I ever even on it?), has lead to a lot of anxiety and stress, which has in no uncertain terms made me a lazy fuck.

Blood/ Moro orange
…

Read More Read More

2021 Resolutions

2021 Resolutions

Comments 0 Comment

I’ve been a part of a private resolution group for three years now where we aim to hit 70% completion. Last year, was my best year at 45-52% depending on how I calculated my success rate.

Affirmations from last year’s Bujo.

I like keeping resolutions as it is a reference point of something I want to work on, but might not check in on it again until the end of the year. So the group at least reminds myself that I need to check in to see if I am trying to stay on track. Life also happens and some resolutions get derailed, that is okay. Keeping resolutions has taught me to be gentler with myself and to celebrate all of my small victories. I’ve learned to strive for progress, not perfection.

…

Read More Read More

35 is Looking Me in The Face

35 is Looking Me in The Face

Comments 1 comment

35. Thirty- five. ༣༥. སུམ་ཅུ་སོ་ལྔ། 서른 다섯. 三十五. They all say the same: 35. I’m not sure where I thought I would be at 35. But here I am a few hours before I officially hit the mid-thirty mark. If I have a short life span and die at 70 well I’m halfway through my life and that just makes me go: what the fuck…

…

Read More Read More

Birthday Anxiety

Birthday Anxiety

Comments 0 Comment

Today was my daughter’s first birthday. We had a wonderful small and intimate party here at our house with my husband and his brother, and one close friend of ours. I also called home and did a videochat with the family and it was wonderful to see everyone’s faces on the screen at once while singing happy birthday and enjoying whatever S did.

My diy birthday garland.
…

Read More Read More