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Tag: The Blooming Mud Flower

A Part of Me Apart From You

A Part of Me Apart From You

Before dawn lit the sky

We had to part amid

Tears and screams of ‘Ama’

Penetrating the cold air

I passed you to your grandmother

Whispering, “I love you” and giving a quick kiss

Swiftly the door was shut

The two of us cried for each other

Your arms reaching for me

While mine weighed heavily at my side

Slowly the window was rolled up to drown out your cries

This mother of yours never stopped looking into your eyes

Until the car drove off

Tears rolling down her cheeks

And cries escaping her lips

An emptiness that can’t be described on the car ride home

The babbles and laughter have all gone

And an eery quiet has overtaken our home

Today will be hard as this heart aches

Today Tomorrow and the days after that

My heart will long to embrace

And kiss your tiny face

This first separation although brief is

Only the beginning of the ones to come

My beloved child, we are apart yet

I am a part of you

You a part of I

No matter where we are

We are under the same sky

A Lack of Interests

A Lack of Interests

My poor blog has had little love over the last few months, but it is not the only thing that I have paid less attention to. Since becoming a mom, some of the things I like to do have fallen to the side as I tend to end up scrolling social media instead when I am ‘resting.’ But is that even resting? I find it gives me more anxiety about life than it should. Sadly, social media addiction is real and many of us deal with it every day. The neverending refresh button of highlight reels we can compare ourselves to on the daily. I am sure I am far from the only one.

I can not blame motherhood for my lack of pursuing hobbies I loved when I was younger, or did not love and would like to pursue as an adult. That comes down to me, my ambition, dedication and discipline. Which all sound like terrible words when it comes to doing hobbies you enjoy or would like to enjoy. Perhaps utilizing phrases like ‘engages the soul’ or ‘feeds the mind’ ‘ nourishes our interests’ or whatever new age crap sounds good is better. The truth of the matter is it comes down to myself why old hobbies and new hobbies are currently MIA. It comes from internalizing shit people told me as a kid and young adult, that became the background soundtrack of my mind. Why hum a tune when it can just be on replay mode? Stopping the soundtrack is hard. I have been working on it for a few years, but it is still hard.

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I am Unbalanced

I am Unbalanced

I’m unbalanced at best, a procrastinating bum at worst, but really my life is just not where I want it to be. This nagging feeling of being off my game (was I ever even on it?), has lead to a lot of anxiety and stress, which has in no uncertain terms made me a lazy fuck.

Blood/ Moro orange

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2021 Resolutions

2021 Resolutions

I’ve been a part of a private resolution group for three years now where we aim to hit 70% completion. Last year, was my best year at 45-52% depending on how I calculated my success rate.

Affirmations from last year’s Bujo.

I like keeping resolutions as it is a reference point of something I want to work on, but might not check in on it again until the end of the year. So the group at least reminds myself that I need to check in to see if I am trying to stay on track. Life also happens and some resolutions get derailed, that is okay. Keeping resolutions has taught me to be gentler with myself and to celebrate all of my small victories. I’ve learned to strive for progress, not perfection.

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35 is Looking Me in The Face

35 is Looking Me in The Face

35. Thirty- five. ༣༥. སུམ་ཅུ་སོ་ལྔ། 서른 다섯. 三十五. They all say the same: 35. I’m not sure where I thought I would be at 35. But here I am a few hours before I officially hit the mid-thirty mark. If I have a short life span and die at 70 well I’m halfway through my life and that just makes me go: what the fuck…

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Birthday Anxiety

Birthday Anxiety

Today was my daughter’s first birthday. We had a wonderful small and intimate party here at our house with my husband and his brother, and one close friend of ours. I also called home and did a videochat with the family and it was wonderful to see everyone’s faces on the screen at once while singing happy birthday and enjoying whatever S did.

My diy birthday garland.

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Holiday Alone Advice

Holiday Alone Advice

The holidays are fast approaching and how I’ll be spending them came to mind. Although not much will change for me with how I keep in touch with family, I realize most of my friends and family back home might be experiencing their first holiday alone. Perhaps I can offer some insight into how to celebrate the holidays apart from loved ones.

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