We all have moments in life where we fall apart. Not huge moments, but little ones like we had as a child. The fleeting meltdowns of our early years. Well, yesterday happened to be a meltdown day.
Why? Grammar. It`s one thing to be frustrated in your own language, but when learning a new one the frustrations increase. Sometimes there are no meltdowns until you hit the glass door. Last night, in class we were building sentences based on words given to us by the book. It was just my teacher and I, and the conversation was like this: Read More
I was reflecting on my progress with learning Korean and if I think of how long I have self-studied the language it seems like a disappointment. I learned how to read Korean back in 2006 with the help of a Saturday Korean class run by Korean students at Amherst college. This helped me a lot when I went to study abroad that summer and placed in level 4 of level 6 for the beginner Korean classes. And so years went by, I have watched numerous Korean dramas and listened to Korean music over the years. I dated and was married to a Korean man for a total of 6 years. I was able to converse in basic sentences over the phone and in person with his friends and family. At one point I even held a 1 hour conversation mostly in Korean with my sister-in-law.
Reflecting on this I feel I should be further along. I should have more confidence in speaking the language, reading and writing, listening and participating in conversations. When I was with my ex we used to try to have days we would just speak in Korean, however, it never worked. He or I would get frustrated by being unable to communicate with the other we resorted to English. I was always frustrated that I could not express myself in Korean. My feelings, my thoughts, what I wanted to do. I would just shut down and speak English. Every time I would tell myself I am going to say it in Korean this time, English would come out of my mouth. I felt embarrased by the fact that I could not speak and that I made pronunciation errors. I have corrected my ex on his errors and he always thanked me, and though I am thankful when someone corrects me, it makes me feel incompetent at the same time. This probably stems from me having low self-confidence. I don’t believe in my abilities nor do I push through walls to grow. I just get comfortable and stay where I am, even at my own dismay.
When I hear about others learning languages or reading language learning blogs I feel in awe of the people who acquire languages so quickly. Granted there is a lot of dedication behind that. Yet, it makes me wonder what have I done for 6 years that I’m not even semi-fluent? It is a question I ask myself. I look at all the books I have to learn the language and the resources available to me online and I pause. Why do I not make the time to learn? Just even setting 30 minutes aside? The question really bothers me. Self-studying has always been hard for me, as much as I strive to be good at it. I feel I am much more of an immersion person. I feel if I am under the pressure of learning to get by in life, to communicate to others around me, to be able to order food and take directions, I need to have that pressure.
With that being said, I am looking forward to my time in Korea. I am looking forward to the fact that I am in Gangwon province and that speakers of English may be minimal. I welcome the opportunity to challenge myself in Korean. To rattle my brain and see what has been collecting dust in all the crevices. How much vocabulary is floating around unused? How many grammar structures do I actually know and understand? How much can I function by myself in another language? I look forward to that challenge to actually test my knowledge. I might surprise myself with what I do know. With that being said I have decided that at some point in the next year abroad I will sit for the TOPIK (Test of Proficiency in Korean) and I am not sure what level I will pick to test for but I think I will shoot for Level 2 (High Beginner) or Level 3(Low Intermediate) as much as I would love to take Level 4 ( High Intermediate) I think it is currently out of my league so for now I will concentrate on one of the lower levels.
Goal: To sit for the TOPIK exam before the end of 2013 and either achieve Level 2/3
Now to start studying Korean diligently again.